The Bear Flag Republic faces turmoil

SACRAMENTO, CA —The Californians just officially passed their Declaration of Independence.

Now, the California leaders are drafting their own Constitution. The rough draft is based on the United States Bill of Rights, but includes some changes. For example, the Second Amendment of the California Constitution draft restricts gun ownership to those who have registered previously.

But with recent information that a member has been put on trial for fraud and corruption, debates over the legalization of marijuana, and the hacking of a Twitter account, Gov. Jerry Brown’s advisory committee has submerged itself in a sticky situation.

A member of Governor Brown’s committee recently decided to falsely inform 5,000 Mexican immigrants that the new Republic of California had enough jobs for them, leading to an immigration crisis.

To solve the issue at hand, the Bear Flag Republic successfully passed legislation on immigrants’ citizenship rights that granted all immigrants amnesty. However, the committee members decided that a fair requirement for all new immigrants is two years of military service.

Marijuana Plan spokesman Wayne Sauseda explained that Brigham Young University is being used for financial support for the further research and legalization of marijuana to the general public. Some weren’t happy.

“They’re going to be giving weed to 5-year-olds!” John Chiang complained. The latest update is that there is no age restriction for the drug, so anyone, any age can purchase any type of Marijuana.

Sir Lucian Grange, CEO of Universal Music, was recently arrested due to multiple accusations of tax fraud and alleged corruption. Though convicted, he was pardoned.

The California Enquirer (@CaliEnquirer) is the Twitter account that the new countrymen are using to explore laughable content. Recently, however, John Chiang shared that the account was hacked.

“They decoded the Twitter after it was hacked,” Director Lisa Mangat shared. “It said something like: ‘treason and collusion reak nothing but turmoil and torment.’”

Grange chimed in as well.

“Apparently, someone with money did it, and I’m one of the few people with money here,” he said. “I heard it had something to do with me, anyway.”

Many confused committee members are still trying to figure out if the Attorney General’s shady behavior, such as consistently disappearing from committee, has something to do with a shortage of memes.

As the newly-independent California fights to solve its internal corruption, the United States is making advances on its land. It has successfully taken San Francisco and San Jose and is now trying to reclaim land starting from the South.

With the United States encroaching on the nation of California, the committee is trying to combat their “reconquista mission” as well as create laws and regulations for their new country.